Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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