you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
