Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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