So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hippo gnu deer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
