Cold hands, warm shart.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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