shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
