The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
