the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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