this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
