watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
