Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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