How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
