I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
