You're my little dorito
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
