but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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