I love black thongs
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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