if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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