The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
