ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
