Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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