we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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