Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
