Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
