Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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