I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He uses pillows to masturbate.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
