I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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