this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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