you win again, gameday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
