So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We need a shit load of segways right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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