rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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