take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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