I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
