so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
