..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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