Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
