I just pynch a tree in the face
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
