i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
