I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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