Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
