if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
