Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
