Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
