the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
