I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
