My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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