i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
