i barfeds in our rink
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
