i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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