I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
