i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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