let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
