I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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